Learn the Spiritual Side of Sex

Especially when you’re with a loving partner, sex becomes more than just a physical act—it has a mental component as well. But did you know that there is also a spiritual side to sex? By engaging in a more spiritual type of sex—one that places more emphasis on the connection between you and your partner instead of orgasm, you might have some of the best orgasms of your life.

Discover the World of Tantra

Tantra is a Sanskrit word that can be roughly translated to mean “woven together” or “to expand.” It is an ancient collection of beliefs that gained popularity in India between the eighth and twelfth centuries. The main tenet of the philosophy is that all things in our world are sacred, and followers of Tantra work to establish a spiritual connection with everything and everyone around them. They believe that by joining two seemingly opposite forces—the male and female, the dark and light, the hot and cold—this unity can lead to higher consciousness, joy, and enlightenment. And for you? A better orgasm.

Try Tantric Sex

Sex is just one part of the Tantric puzzle, but for the purpose of this book, it’s the one we’ll be focusing on. And, while I’ll go into the basics of Tantric sex over the next few tips, if you really want to learn more about this subject in depth, I recommend the books Introduction to Tantra: The Transformation of Desire and The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment.

What we know as tantric sex today stems from the newer (Neo Tantra) beliefs that put sex at the center, though both Tantra and Neo Tantra see desire as a step to spiritual awakening. In the older concept of Tantric sex, the focus is more on complete body happiness, experiencing expansive orgasms that do not necessarily include ejaculation, and finding ways to increase intimacy between you and your partner. The practice may also include activating the chakras and worshiping female energy.

Be Open to the Experience

Having a rewarding life (not to mention a great sex life) involves being open to new experiences and exploring avenues despite your skepticism. For instance, you may have some favorite foods that youwere originally hesitant to try! The same goes for your sex life and Tantra. Even if you are mainly interested in tantric sex because of what you’ve heard about its ability to help you have profoundly intense orgasms, and you’re skeptical about its spiritual side, take a chance and dive in fully to the practice. You may discover that it helps you develop a deeper connection with your partner, and as a result your relationship, sex life, and general quality of life may improve dramatically!

Understand Your Chakras

Those who follow the practice of Tantra believe that there are seven important centers, known as chakras, that run along your spine. The energy that flows through these and up the spine is known as kundalini energy. Each of these chakras corresponds to a different aspect of your spiritual being, and by releasing the blocked energy and balancing your chakras, Tantra’s practioners believe you will be able to get that part of your body or spirit working.

If you’ve been having a difficult time achieving orgasm, Tantra’s believers would suggest that you work on opening or balancing your first, second, and third chakras.

Understand Your Chakras
Understand Your Chakras

Open Your Chakras

Are you feeling “stuck” somewhere in your life? Feeling heartache? Headaches? Trouble fully releasing during orgasm? To become unstuck, you can use Tantra hand movements, or mudras, for some spiritual Drano. Each chakra has its own mudra position that helps open it. To help you get sexually unstuck, here are the positions for the first two chakras. If you’re having difficulty in other areas, I encourage you to delve into deeper research on your own so you can heal them.

It’s important to open and balance all chakras, but the most important chakra to work with might be the Root chakra. This is the chakra that grounds you, and it can be strengthened by physical activity and by holding the tip of your thumb and your index finger together. Concentrate as you do so on the sound “Lum.”

The Sacral chakra holds the key to your sexual power, and you can open this one by placing your hands—left one on top of the right one—in your lap with the palms facing up with the tips of your thumbs gently touching. Concentrate as you do so on the sound “Vam.”

Another way you can release your chakras is by having your partner give you a chakra massage. Lie on your back and, beginning at your lowest chakra, have your partner massage each chakra for several minutes until he has worked his way all the way up to the Seventh Chakra.

Know Your Tantric Vocabulary

As much as I would love to fully immerse you in the world of Tantra, there isn’t the space in this book for a complete vocabulary lesson. But below, I’ve included some of the words that you’ll need to know as we move forward and I teach you the basics of how to have mind-blowing orgasms through Tantric sex.

•   Amrita—the female ejaculatory fluid that is considered a desirable life force in Tantra. (Tell that to your partner if he’s shy about going down on you.)
•   Asana—a yoga pose of posture that is used to exercise the body and refresh the spirit.
•   Kundalini—sexual energy or power based on a Sanskrit word meaning “pool of energy.”
•   Lingam—the Sanskrit word for penis (also known as a “wand of light”).
•   Shakti—the main female goddess in Hindu Tantra, represents the female essence; she is the creator, sustainer, and destroyer.
•   Shiva—the supreme god in Hindu Tantra, represents the male principal; he has control over the movement of time and all material things.
•   Yoni—the Sanskrit word for vagina.

Try Tantric Yoga

Yoga, which means “to join together,” is extremely important to Tantra. Yoga brings the focus back to the breath, relieves stress, and allows you to connect with your body. Hatha yoga is the most physically strenuous type and is often practiced by tantric followers, as is kundalini yoga, a type of yoga that places significant emphasis on breathing and postures to achieve different states of consciousness. If you practice yoga you’ll likely experience greater flexibility as well as deeper relaxation, and you’ll also find that some yoga positions can be used in the bedroom. Yoga can also be amazing in helping you to reach new levels of orgasms, as it helps train you to focus on the moment and connect with your body.

Flex Your Muscles in Couples Yoga

One particularly sensual type of yoga is couples yoga. The asanas (or movements) increase your awareness of your partner and help to build a deeper connection between the two of you. Before you begin, sit facing each other with your hands together palm to palm. Maintain eye contact and gently bow to one another as a way to show each other mutual respect and recognize each other’s energy. Then begin your poses. Here are some of the more popular movements.

•   Happy hug: Stand facing each other with your toes touching. Now hug, releasing yourself into your partner’s arms. Take five deep breaths in unison with your partner. Let the air fill your abdomen and then slowly exhale all of it, releasing your tensions, fears, and stress. Take turns rubbing the back of one another for a minute or two.
•   Tree together: Stand side by side. Lift your outside leg up and place your foot on your inside leg’s thigh above the knee. If you need to, you can support your foot with your hand. Wrap your inside arm around your partner’s waist for balance and support. Make your neck as long as you can, stretching it up to the ceiling. Make your legs firm and strong, like roots buried deep in the earth. Breathe in unison and relax into the pose. After taking several deep breaths, switch sides with your partner and repeat the exercise.
•   Tantric twist: Sit back to back, with your legs crossed. Make sure that your lower backs are touching, and keep them as close together as possible throughout the exercise. Twist around to your left. Place your left hand on your partner’s right knee. Place your right hand on your own left knee. Look behind you and relax your neck and face muscles, pulling firmly on your partner’s knee. Take several deep breaths together. Switch directions and repeat.
•   Couple’s moon triangle: Begin by facing each other, standing with your feet as wide apart as they can comfortably be. Now place your right leg so that it overlaps your partner’s left leg, so that you are no longer directly in front of each other but are facing each other somewhat diagonally. Stretch your arms out to either side of your body. Make them as long as you can. Lean over to your right side as your partner does the same. Be sure to keep your hips centered. Tip over like a teapot. Now slide your right hand down your right leg, supporting yourself just above or below the knee, never on the kneecap itself. Extend your other arm straight up toward the ceiling with palm facing inward. You should now be face to face with your partner. Look into each other’s eyes. Press your palms together. Hold the position for a while, allowing your energies to flow through each other.
•   Couple’s lotus pose: Sit in lotus pose, facing each other, withyour knees touching those of your partner. Join hands and lay them in the crease between your knees, uniting you both in a continuous flow of energy. Close your eyes and concentrate on the energy between you. Imagine your energies intertwining and mingling. If other thoughts enter your mind, gently let them go. Focus only on your partner’s energy. Lose yourself in your partner. This can be an impressive spiritual experience. There is no time limit. Allow yourselves to come out of it when the time feels right.

For Him: Love the Lingam Massage

After you and your partner take some time to connect spiritually with the help of couples yoga and through the slow, sensual touching each of you has now finished caressing each other’s bodies, offer your partner a lingam massage.

Most often when you’re touching his penis, the intent is to arouse him and get him ready for sex, oral sex, or to orgasm with the help of your hand. But in this case, the purpose of a lingam—or penis—massage is to allow your partner to relax and surrender himself to intimate sexual pleasure.

To give one, have your partner lie down on his back and begin to breathe deeply. He should be breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, and trying to relax his body more fully with each breath. As you massage, look into his eyes, as part of the intent of this massage is to help build spiritual intimacy between you two. Place some oil on the shaft of his penis and his testicles. Massage around the area and up to the pubic bone, move to the perineum, and then begin to massage the shaft itself.

Take your time. Gently take hold of the shaft with one hand, squeeze lightly, move your hand up and down, then slide it off and repeat the same movement with your other hand. Then, place one hand at the base and use the other to massage up and around the penis, and finish each stroke by cupping the glans. When you feel you have thoroughly massaged the penis, move your hand to the perineum and find a small, pea-sized spot. This is the base of the prostate. Press inward delicately as you massage the penis with the other hand. He may get an erection and lose it—then gain it again during the massage, but as the goal is not orgasm, ease off if you feel your partner is nearing ejaculation.

Say Yes to the Yoni Massage

As the lingam massage is meant to relax the male, the purpose of the yoni massage is to make the woman feel caressed, adored, and secure so she has the freedom and space to be aroused. If you’re a woman, I recommend having your partner read this section so you can lie back and enjoy the massage instead of coaching him through the steps.

Once you have taken the time to awaken your partner’s body in a sensual manner, have her lie down on her back and begin to breathe deeply. As you did during the lingam massage, she should breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth, taking special care to let each breath relax her body more than the last.

When she seems fully relaxed, place enough oil on the top of her vulva so that it drips down the outer labia and coats the outside. Take your time and massage around the vulva all the way up to her pubic bone. Then, gently begin stroking the clitoris using circular motions, first clockwise then counterclockwise. When you feel she is ready, slip your middle finger into the vagina and gently feel around the inside, varying the speed and pressure as you go. As she found your “sacred spot” (the prostate gland) during the lingam massage, you’re looking to stimulate her “sacred spot” (the G-spot) during the yoni massage. With your palm toward the ceiling, find the G-spot and experiment with speed, pressure, and a variety of strokes. Try circles, back-and-forth motions, and consider inserting your ring finger as well. Continue to look in her eyes as you give the massage, just as she did during the lingam massage, and make sure she is breathing deeply and relaxing into the experience.

If she is enjoying it, you can try placing your thumb on the clitoris and massaging her anus with your pinky. When you have finished the massage, continue to lie with and connect with her until the two of you are ready to move on to orgasm.

Pursue the Expansive Orgasm

In Tantric practice, orgasms aren’t typically short-lived, anticlimactic experiences that take a long time to reach and then end in one quick moment. Tantric practice often results in expansive orgasms that last much longer than a traditional orgasm. The experience is said to feel like waves of energy coursing through your entire body that cause your spine to undulate and your mind to be completely taken over by the experience. If the regular orgasm is the little death, perhaps the Tantric orgasm is the medium-sized one? To help yourself attain this type of orgasm, you first need to open your mind to the possibility. Once your heart and mind are open, begin to focus on your breath. Practice deep breathing until you are in a very relaxed state. By being aware of your breath, you’re going to be more aware of the energy flowing through your body and where you need to work to release blockage.

When you’re close to reaching orgasm during Tantric sex (or during regular sex), return to your breath and allow your mind to not focus on any particular thought. Instead, follow the feelings your body is creating within you without judgment or expectation. When you do come, you’ll most likely be able to feel the orgasm travel throughout your whole body and turn your orgasm into an incredible full-body experience.

Practice Pelvic Lifts and Thrusts

Learning how to move your pelvis in a more fluid manner will improve your abilities in the bedroom and may help improve your orgasms. You can practice these pelvic exercises alone or with your partner. Personally, I’d recommend doing them alone, as they do look awfully silly. That said, strengthening your hips and relaxing your hip flexors will improve your movements in the bedroom, so this is one case where feeling silly is worth it.

Put on some hip-shaking music and begin by thrusting your hips from front to back while standing up. Start out slowly, focusing on the hips only while keeping your upper body still and steady. Once Once your heart and mind are open, begin to focus on your breath. Practice deep breathing until you are in a very relaxed state. By being aware of your breath, you’re going to be more aware of the energy flowing through your body and where you need to work to release blockage.

When you’re close to reaching orgasm during Tantric sex (or during regular sex), return to your breath and allow your mind to not focus on any particular thought. Instead, follow the feelings your body is creating within you without judgment or expectation. When you do come, you’ll most likely be able to feel the orgasm travel throughout your whole body and turn your orgasm into an incredible full-body experience.

Practice Pelvic Lifts and Thrusts

Learning how to move your pelvis in a more fluid manner will improve your abilities in the bedroom and may help improve your orgasms. You can practice these pelvic exercises alone or with your partner. Personally, I’d recommend doing them alone, as they do look awfully silly. That said, strengthening your hips and relaxing your hip flexors will improve your movements in the bedroom, so this is one case where feeling silly is worth it.

Put on some hip-shaking music and begin by thrusting your hips from front to back while standing up. Start out slowly, focusing on the hips only while keeping your upper body still and steady. Once you’ve isolated the hips, start moving them in different directions, which you can later try out when you’re having sex.

Similar to pelvic thrusts are pelvic lifts. These are practiced by lying on your back on the floor with your knees up. When you’re in this position, lift your hips as high as you can off the floor and hold them in this position for several seconds. This also works your butt and abdominal muscles, so you’re not only helping your sex life, you’re getting toned while doing it.

Make Your Meditation Orgasmic

Recently, a new practice known as orgasmic meditation has begun to pop up across the country through a group known as OneTaste. Though the group shares some common beliefs with Tantra, their purpose is to create a more embodied sense of self and a feeling of wholeness through mindful sexuality and meditation. To attempt orgasmic meditation with your partner, have him slowly stroke your clitoris with his index finger while both of you focus your complete awareness on that part of your body with no intention of taking the sexual act to the next level. You may come many times during this meditation, and as you and your partner develop your meditative skills, followers of the practice claim that both partners can achieve a long-lasting, full-body orgasm.
Explore the Ancient Sex Manuals

It isn’t just our current—and some might say sex-obsessed—culture that is interested in what goes on between the sheets. For centuries, humans have been fascinated with sex and how they can improve their performance. Considering that just centuries ago many couples had no sexual experiences prior to their marriage, these pillow books were helpful, eye-opening (and sometimes beautifully illustrated) guides that helped these couples explore their sexuality and taught them ways in which they could pleasure their new partner. Even though this sort of experience is not what most of us confront today, these books still have much to offer in helping you discover new paths to orgasm.

Read the Kama Sutra

Around A.D. 350, scholar Mallanga Vatsyayana penned the Kama Sutra, the first known written work to focus on the art of lovemaking. Following Sir Richard Burton’s translation of it into English in the 1800s, it became—and may still be—the world’s most popular book on sex. In fact, many of the sex positions included in this book are from or influenced by the Kama Sutra. But the ancient text is much more than just a guide to great sexual positions. It’s actually based on two sets of Sixty-Four Arts, only one of which deals with sex and foreplay. The other set discusses the arts and skills Vatsyayana felt were necessary for a person to become well-rounded. These include how to find a wife, what to do about prostitutes, and how to improve your sexual prowess.
Read the Ishimpo
Though this thirty-volume book written between the eighth and twelfth centuries in Japan is really a medical text that covers everything from dermatology to internal medicine, one of the volumes does tackle the complicated subject of human sexuality. The tome is impressive for many reasons, including the fact that it managed to preserve some of the Taoist sex manuals from the Han through Tang dynasties. But perhaps my favorite part of that section of the book is the part that states that sex between men and women is the life force controlling the universe and making love is what keeps Earth circling the heavens. In the writer’s mind, love really did make the world go round.

Check Out the Ananga Ranga

Whereas the Kama Sutra was all the rage after the sixth century in India, this manual instructed later generations of the sexually curious when it was written in the sixteenth century. It included everything from morals and seduction techniques to sexual spells, rituals, and, of course, positions. The text was also one of the first documented promoters of using the Kegel exercise as a way for a woman to strengthen her pelvic floor and heighten her orgasm.
Walk Through The Perfumed Garden

Another book written in the sixteenth century was The Perfumed Garden, penned in Arabia. Though written with a male audience in mind, it doesn’t just focus on the man’s pleasure. Instead, it was very ahead of its time, as it suggested that men discover what their women enjoy and ask their lovers for help on how to give them pleasure. In addition to this wise guidance, it taught the readers what the male and female genitals looked like and how to connect pleasure and sexuality to spirituality.

Explore the Secrets of the Jade Bed Chamber

This ancient Chinese manual, written during the Han dynasty in the third century, centered around sexuality and sensuality and includes similar topics as the other guides I’ve mentioned, such as relationship and courting counseling, sexual positions, and ways to improve potency. As with Tantra, the book also provides its own names for the male and female genitalia. In the book, the penis is known as the Jade Stalk while the vagina is called the Jade Garden.

Indulge in the Ars Amatoria

One final early manuscript focused on love and sex was written by the Latin poet Ovid around 1 B.C. Ars Amatoria (translated from the Latin to mean “The Art of Love”) is a poem in three parts that describes where to find women worth having sex with, how to seduce them, and how to keep other men from running away with them. Many of his teachings, from the sex positions to his reminders to men not to forget their lover’s birthday, can still be used today. Though if you’re searching for something that’s on the more ribald side, this literary work isn’t going to satisfy your craving.